Alzheimer Society of Ontario’s website
January 2009
Mornings with Ruth and Ted
Parents of young children will immediately recognize the morning routine at Ruth and Ted Simmons’ Hamilton home.
While Ruth makes breakfast, she checks in on her husband to see how he’s managing.
Ruth and Ted Simmons at home in Hamilton. (Photo by John Rennison)
When Ted finally comes into the kitchen, sometimes he’s dressed, sometimes not. Some mornings he’ll be pleased with what she’s made for breakfast, others he’ll complain.
And when it’s time to leave the house, he may need to be reminded of where they’re going.
Ted, 79, has Alzheimer’s disease.
“I call the whole process we’re going through right now backwards kindergarten,” says Ruth, a retired teacher. “He’s unlearning things about the same order and rate as my kindergarten kids learned them.”
He’s not just being a jerk
Ruth has worked hard since Ted was diagnosed in 2005 to learn all she can about his illness. He first began showing symptoms by missing appointments and making significant banking errors. She’d get angry with him.
“I didn’t know what was going on and it made me really mad,” she recalls. “I’d say, ‘Listen to what I’m telling you.’ But I didn’t know his brain wasn’t working. I thought he was just being a jerk.”
Ruth, who speaks regularly at community groups about what it’s like to care for someone with Alzheimer’s disease, says she can’t stress this point enough.
“They will blame you for things. If you take that personally, you’re a basket case all the time. That’s Alzheimer’s. That’s what they do. What a difference it makes when you know what’s going on.”
It’s OK to be overwhelmed
Ruth is also a strong advocate of community programs for caregivers: “Get help. Get all the help you can get,” she says.
A personal support worker visits their home nine hours a week; Ted attends an adult care programs at the Alzheimer Society of Hamilton-Halton three times a week, and when she needs it, Ruth uses overnight respite care.
Her four children and brother also pitch in.
Last summer, she and her children visited local long-term care homes, picking out two they thought would suit Ted once the time comes. While Ruth wants her husband with her as long as possible, she has accepted there will come a day when she’ll need even more help.
“You need to recognize your inability to do it all,” she says. ”But you know what? We tend not to do that, so we break down. It’s OK to be overwhelmed. It’s not OK to be a superwoman.”
